Yaoi Lovers Anonymous- a la Teena
by Teena M
Summary: Basically just my initiation requirement for POYG. PG13 mainly for yaoi and innuendo. Multi-fandom.


  
Teena: Okies... Chi read one of my fics, and reviewed with a suggestion  
I join POYG. I went to her author page, read fics, found out about POYG,  
and decided 'She's right, I SHOULD join.' So, I read the requirement for  
joining, decided it wasn't that hard, and started this.  
  
Yamato: I think it's basically an excuse for her to babble.  
  
Teena: Shut up, Yamato, nobody asked you. Go snuggle with Taichi and don't  
bother me.  
  
Duo: ...Teena, ease up.  
  
Teena: He picks on me. Despite all I do for him. *curls up against Duo,  
yawning* Have Hee-koi do the disclaimer, koishii.  
  
Duo: *rolls his eyes* How often do you do disclaimers? Oh, well... Go  
for it, Hee-koi.  
  
Heero: *nods* Teena does not own Gundam Wing, Digimon, Pokemon, or Harry  
Potter. They're owned by various people that aren't her. Sueing her will  
get you nothing but her glassware collection and a few buttons.  
  
  
  
Yaoi Lovers Anonymous... a la Teena  
  
  
Teena stood in the middle of a medium sized room, grinning madly. She   
was in her in-between state, combining her fandoms. A long, black braid  
snaked out from under a Pokemon League hat, reaching her hips. She wore  
a cross around her neck, black stretch pants, and a green tank top. A  
D3 and D-terminal were hooked at her waist, and a crest hung around her  
neck. Black feathered wings sprouted from her back, twitching faintly  
as she tried to hold back her manic energy.  
  
"Hi! My name is Teena M. and I'm a yaoi lover. I do not apologize. I'm  
here to tell you all what my favorite pairings are and why. Just follow  
me, and all will be revealed."  
  
With a dramatic sweep of the arm, Teena gestured to a door off to one  
side, labeled 'Gundam Wing'.  
  
"The nearest and dearest fandom to my heart. Come along," Teena remarked,  
eyes sparkling with humor. She opened the door and walked inside. Various  
GW characters, all male, glanced up from their pursuits, and reacted in  
different ways to Teena's appearance. Heero and Duo exchanged smiles,   
Quatre and Trowa wavered between worry and pleasure, Wufei looked almost  
panicked, and Treize and Zechs looked fairly neutral. Teena winked, and  
pulled a sword out of nowhere, raising it over her head.  
  
"Cower before the wrath of Injustice!"  
  
Wufei jumped, then ran behind Treize and Zechs, peeking out nervously.  
Teena laughed and put the sword away. "Sorry 'bout that, I like to torture  
Wufei. Anyway, we aren't really here for that. Didn't mean to waste your  
time. My all time fave GW pairing, is, of course, Heero and Duo. I tend  
to write stories about them more than anyone else, though my other faves  
tend to creep into anything I write."  
  
Heero and Duo waved, Duo winking at Teena mischieviously. Teena grinned  
back at them, tossing them a v-sign. "As for reasons... I mean, come on,  
they're just so CUTE together! It's a balance thing, really. Heero helps  
Duo have a little restraint, and Duo helps Heero loosen up. Relena's an  
obsessive stalker bitch, and she scares me. Dorothy's welcome to her."  
  
Teena points to a small side door, labeled 'Yuri'. "That's not very big  
yet. I don't do much of it, and anyway, that's not what you're here for."  
  
Teena glanced around the room, settling on Quatre and Trowa. "Ah. Another  
favorite. 4x3. ALWAYS. Tro-bat on GWML has firmly convinced me of the   
rightness of Trowa as uke. I had a lemon block on them for the longest   
time. Quatre just SCREAMED shounen-ai to me. I eventually got over it."  
  
"And we're very glad you did, Teena-sama," Quatre piped up, smiling. Trowa  
smiled faintly and nodded agreement. Teena grinned.   
  
"They really enjoyed the fic where I finally managed to get over my block.  
Anyway... Okay, Wufei. I love to torture him, 'cause he's a male chauvinist  
pig, but I can't stand to leave people lorn and loveless. I tend towards  
Wufei and Treize, or the straight pairing of Wufei and Sally. Treize 'cause  
the irony amuses me, and Sally 'cause he needs a girl who can kick his ass,  
and I think Sally can do it."  
  
Wufei growled from behind Treize and Zechs, restraining himself from going  
after her, remembering times he had tried before. Treize and Zechs gave each  
other and Wufei amused looks. Teena just grinned.  
  
"Oh, and a few alternate pairings. I kind of like Heero and Zechs, or Treize  
and Zechs, and I once wrote a Treize and Heero just for the hell of it, 'cause  
there weren't any. There are now, of course, but I started it."  
  
Heero made a small face, glancing across the room at Treize, who just smirked  
at him. Teena rolled her eyes, then went back to grinning.  
  
"Now we move on to threesomes for this lovely anime. I LIKE threesomes. My  
absolute favorite threesome is Heero, Duo, and Zechs. I love it. Incredibly  
wonderful, and if you can't see why, you're blind. I will actually accept  
most threesomes. Even 1x2xR. I've read some rather good ones, and some good  
4x3x5s too. Anyway, just about any threesome. And that's it for this anime.  
You guys can go back to any orgy I might have been interrupting."  
  
Teena laughed and walked back out into the main room, then pointed to the  
door labeled 'Digimon'. "There next. My second favorite at the moment."  
  
Inside that room were, of course, various male Digimon characters. Taichi  
yelped and jumped behind Yamato, shivering. Teena sweatdropped.   
  
"Anou... Sorry about Taichi, I've been mistreating him lately. Old Scars,  
for one, was really hard on him. I need to write him a nice, fluffy, non-  
angst, non-crossdressing, and non-brainwashing Taito."  
  
"Are you sure you're capable of that?" Ken asked amusedly. Teena shrugged.  
  
"No, but it's worth a try. Anyway, my favorite pairings... Well, Taito and  
Kensuke are currently in a neck-and-neck race for number one. Tai and Matt  
are so totally obvious in the show... I don't care about the epilogue, the  
epilogue is STUPID. Tai and Matt have so many little cute moments that I   
won't even list them."  
  
"You probably can't REMEMBER half of them," Yamato commented dryly. Teena  
glared at him.  
  
"Who's the author here, huh? I swear, I'll pair you with one of the girls  
if you mess with me."  
  
Yamato shuddered and latched onto Taichi tightly. Teena smiled with evil  
satisfaction.  
  
"Now then, Kensuke. Anyone who could watch the episode where Ken and Dai  
DNA digivolve/jogress shinka and NOT see the total yaoi overtone there,  
is blind and/or insane. And, of course, the whole business with 'Watching  
you squirm is SO delicious' is totally and completely Ken having BDSM  
fantasies."  
  
Ken blushed, covering his eyes with one hand. Daisuke laughed, wrapping  
his arms around the dark-haired boy. Teena grinned.  
  
"I tease him about that alot... Anyway, Jyoushiro and Takori are fine,   
though I will also do straight pairings for them. In the interest of a  
better plot. And because I'm fairly indifferent to those characters."  
  
Teena pointed to a door, marked 'Yuri' like in the last room. "I'm sure  
you know what that is. Ignore it, the bitch patrol, a.k.a., Sora and  
Miyako, are in there."  
  
Waving goodbye to the boys, Teena walked back out into the main room,  
and looked at the last two doors.  
  
"Anou... Let's hit Pokemon. The other one is not PRECISELY a fandom yet,  
I haven't written anything for it."  
  
Teena opened the door marked 'Pokemon' and skipped through, waving to  
the gathered characters. Ash and Gary grinned and waved back. James   
dashed across the room and glomped Teena's legs, wailing.  
  
"Please, please, PLEASE, when are you going to let ME have a relationship  
in a fic? I'm so lonely, and people keep pairing me with Jessie, and she  
beats up on me! It's not fair!"  
  
Sweatdropping, Teena pulled out a crowbar and started prying James off  
her legs. "I'm... sure... Uh! ...I'll get around to it... James! I... Gah!  
...haven't written... THAT many... Pokemon... Urf! ...fics yet! LET GO OF  
ME BEFORE I PAIR YOU WITH JESSIEBELLE!!"  
  
James screamed and dashed off to cower under a chair. Brock sighed and  
started trying to coax the terrified bishounen out. "Was that really   
necessary, Teena?"  
  
"He wouldn't let go," Teena replied defensively. "ANYway, my favorite  
pairings. Right. Shishi, number one, no contest. When I was younger and  
more impressionable, I liked AAM. Happily, I grew out of it. Ash and Gary  
are SO much more satisfying. Shi3 is good, too. Though I will also pair  
Ritchie/Hiroshi with Misty, to keep her out of the way. I will do lots  
of things to make my fave pairings happen. Shishi... Well, it's obvious  
Ash cares alot what Gary thinks of him, and of course, there's THE scene  
for Shishi lovers, the Viridian Gym incident. And have you ever noticed,  
even though Gary was nasty and snide and everything, he usually had some  
important information that he gave Ash. He was helping, he just didn't  
want it to seem that way."  
  
Gary flushed slightly, burying his face in his hands. "She's ruining my  
image."  
  
Ash laughed. "You really WANT to keep such a rotten image, Geru-kun?"  
  
"...Point taken."  
  
"Can you lot be quiet?" Teena demanded. "I am TRYING to be informative,  
and you people keep interrupting!"  
  
"Gomen," everyone in the room chorused. Teena huffed, tossing her braid  
over her shoulder, then settled down.   
  
"Okay, other pairings... I've read some Brock/James stuff that I kinda  
liked, actually. Tracy... I don't like him much, I consider him, as   
Zelda said in one of her fics, 'Diet Brock'. And I have a disturbing  
problem with thinking 'Tracy SO wants to be Mrs. Oak.' So... I ignore  
him."  
  
Teena pointed to the apparently ubiquitous 'Yuri' door. "You know what  
that is. So, let's head out."  
  
Teena walked out and over to the last door, marked 'Harry Potter'.  
  
"Okay, I haven't actually written anything for this yet. But muses have  
appeared, and they're being insistent. When they aren't hiding beneath  
Harry's invisibility cloak to keep me from finding them and tossing   
them out on their ears."  
  
Teena opened the door and walked through resignedly, wings flickering  
slightly. "Okay, pairings and such. Harry/Draco is number one, natch.  
It's like Kaisuke in Digimon, I LOVE that, and I love this, too. The  
idea of enemies in love just appeals to me. Others... Well, I've read  
some amusing stuff with Seamus/Dean... and Percy/Neville... I think Ron  
and Hermione are SO obvious, so I don't tend to go for Ron in yaoi pairs.  
That's about it, really."   
  
Gesturing to the 'Yuri' door, she shrugs. "Ginny, Cho, etc. Don't read  
much of it, though."  
  
Teena waved good-bye to the characters, Harry waving back politely,  
most of the others ignoring her, then walked out. "Okay, that's it. All  
my fandoms, and my fave pairings for them. You can wander off now."  
  
Teena opened all the doors and blew a whistle. "Party time, guys! The  
tour's over, you can mingle!"  
  
  
~owari~  
  
Mew: *floats over and looks at Teena* /She's asleep.../  
  
Duo: I noticed. She's also cutting off circulation in my arm.   
  
Mew: /Here.../ *uses psychic power to shift Teena to a couch*  
  
Duo: Thanks. Oi, who's dong the afterword, if she's asleep?  
  
Ken: Us, apparently. She wanted to ask Chi and Caitlin if this was good  
enough. So... They can consider themselves asked.  
  
Heero: You mean she planned something for this other than random chatter?  
  
Ken: For once, yes. So, of course, she fell asleep. Typical Teena.  
  
Duo: *wry grin* That's why we love her, ne?   
  
Heero: That and the fact she's gotten really knowledgeable about good sex.  
  
Teena: *stifles a snicker and goes back to sleep* 


End file.
